Funding Changes To Impact Tourism in Bristol and the State

July 20, 2016

Revolutionary

Governor Malloy recently announced budget-cutting goals that affect all state agencies. Among those facing cutbacks is the Connecticut Office of Tourism (COT). Parcheesi grandmaster and COT director Randy Fiveash has identified several places to meet the lower budget targets.

One is to replace the welcome center in Danbury with a push-button kiosk featuring the voice of Siri.

Advertising for the state will focus on less expensive media such as radio and the use of town criers. To save costs on ink and printing, the long slogan, “Connecticut – Still Revolutionary” will be replaced by a cat emoji. “Everyone likes cats,” explains Fiveash.

cat 01

Grants to tourist destinations like Mystic are also threatened. In response, Mystic Aquarium’s president plans changes like shorter hours of operation, replacing staff with trained seals, as well as combining the alligator and shark tanks and hoping for the best.

Since the large old ships at Mystic Seaport require expensive maintenance, their director is shelving them in favor of smaller, replica boats in an upcoming exhibit entitled, “Dingeys of the American Revolution”.

Fiveash’s plan includes reducing the number of towns they promote in official visitors’ guides to save on printing costs and focus their efforts on Connecticut’s “jewels.” “We must accept that many cities in the state are plain boring, or reflect badly on the state — like Bridgeport.”

Bristol Bureau of Tourism (BBT) spokesman Laura Mums is anxious to make Bristol one of those jewels. “Bristol has amazing museums and a nature center. One thing we wanted to add was the world’s largest rubber band. Unfortunately, the State hasn’t funded this project due to the budget problem and concerns we’d use it to fire spit balls at New Britain.”

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Hide and Seek Championships Coming to Forestville

May 23, 2016

2016 Hide & Seek 02

The 2016 Hide and Seek New England Regionals will be held in Forestville the first weekend in August, according to tournament organizers.

“Due to the vast amount of empty buildings Forestville is perfect,” boasted tournament director Archibald Lafferty. “The number of businesses leaving Connecticut has given rise to numerous empty buildings to hide in, making the state the obvious choice for the championships,” he added.

Hide and seek is a children’s game where players close their eyes and count to a specific number while the other players hide. The last person to be found by the seeker is the winner.

Last year’s winner at nationals was Johnny Piazza, whom no one could find. Unfortunately he has yet to receive the award since his whereabouts are still unknown.

The Forestville Tourism Association said players of all ages from the six New England states will stay in Forestville, giving a jolt to local restaurants, lodging and transportation during the three day event.

The underground economy expects an increase in business as well, “In addition to the state sales taxes, local governments, legitimate businesses and those of us hiding in the shadows can expect with labor, income and consumption, overall growth of two to five percent for the month approximately,” said Tanya from Downtown, a known women of ill repute.

Players to Watch:

Belinda Bocori: Extraordinary hiding skills, stealth like footwork and surprising counting abilities, Bocori easily toppled her opponents in Rhode Island to qualify.

Enzo Hernandez: Blessed with natural athleticism, he is able to quickly hide and just as quickly seek too. With a mind for the game, Enzo burst on to the scene during his performance at the Kick the Can Championships last year.

Cheryl Watson: With her constant glaring, taunting and utterance of profanities aimed at opponents, judges and spectators alike, the brash Ms. Watson uses anger to her advantage to destroy opponents.


Vacant Lot Fest 2016

May 19, 2016

LOT FEST

Vacant Lot Fest is returning to Forestville on Saturday July 9th!

The popular event, sponsored by the Forestville Tourism Association (FTA), is a one day celebration of the vacant lots in the village, and is attended by a loyal and dedicated fan base. “I went last year and it was awesome to see all those empty, neglected lots in total disrepair,” said John Singer, a vacant lot enthusiast from Southington, who met his wife at the 2012 Fest.

Heather Ross, director of the event for FTA, likens the devotion of the Vacant Lot fandom to Trekkies – those overzealous, obsessive followers of Star Trek. “Just like Trekkies they come here and know every minute detail about every unattended parcel. From plant growth to toxics it’s incredible.”

This year will include never-before-seen items gathered from the unsightly landscapes for display, including litter, solid waste and a wide variety of dirt, sand and silt.

The vacant lots of Forestville can be discovered with a walking tour provided by Alex Chipley, an empty lot historian. He will bring the lots back to life with history, trivia and local lore. The tour will leave from in front of the post office at 6PM and is expected to take two hours. “Nothing like seeing that last vacant lot just before dusk,” Mr. Chipley said.

Tickets can be obtained from the Forestville Tourism Association if you plead or grovel.


Walking Tours of Academy Street

December 31, 2015
Academy Street

Academy Street

The Forestville Tourism Association provides walking tours of Academy Street, the last Sunday of every month at 3 p.m.

“I show them both stop signs, the fire hydrants and the sidewalk; the cracks too if there is time. It’s a lot of fun!” said Heather Ross, one of the guides.

Looking south.

Sometimes the cracks are discussed.

Academy Street is one of Forestville’s oldest and trusted roads. The street is in good shape and has shown to have dependable topography making it a driving and walking favorite.

Additional sites featured are the trees lining the sidewalk, the grass and the telephone poles that adorn both sides of the roadway.

Tickets are 5 bucks for adults 4 bucks for children under the age of one. Residents of Academy Street can do the tour for free provided they show a lease agreement or a deed to their property.

Tickets can be purchased in advance at the Forestville Tourism Association or the Forestville Historical Society.


Hurray for Forestville?

December 2, 2015
Hollywood

Hollywood

Due to the success of recent movie remakes and incapable of producing an original movie script, the major Hollywood studios announced today they will remake every movie ever made beginning with the cinematic classic Casablanca.

Legendary Hollywood mogul Jerry Bruckheimer will be producing many of the films and in a statement said, “The Casablanca remake will be shot frame by frame exactly like the original in 1942, but instead of evading Nazis it will be zombies, human cyborgs and aliens.”

Mr. Bruckheimer also boasted that he will be producing the remake of Citizen Kane in color and in 3D. However, instead of William Randolph Hearst being the principal inspiration for Charles Foster Kane it will be Bill Gates. And instead of “Rosebud” as his dying words it will be Yahtzee! Tom Cruise is expected to play the part originally done by Orson Welles. Michael Bay director of Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, Transformers, is to direct the Kane remake.

God help us.

The Forestville Tourism Association believes numerous homes in Forestville are under consideration for Xanadu, the vast palatial estate for Kane. As for the Casablanca remake, they say the scenes in Rick’s Café will be filmed in Forestville.


Community Calendar

November 20, 2015
Community Calendar

Community Calendar

Things to do in Forestville this weekend:

* Friday
Four Horseman of the Apocalypse visit Forestville to see an old friend.

* Saturday
Renaissance Appreciation Day 1PM-1:15PM former center mall site. Reminisce and take pictures. Plenty of parking available.

* Saturday
The Bob Knepper Roman Orgy begins at 7PM. Complimentary Pigs in a Blanket, Swedish meatballs and a meat platter from Nuchie’s for attendees.

* Sunday
Forestville Ice Harvest Festival. The Forestville Tourism Association hosts the Forestville Ice Harvest in Central Square from 3 am to 5 am. Bring your own water and have it frozen by professionals!


Asbestos Museum to Open in Forestville

November 19, 2015

Asbestos 02

Construction will begin soon for the Asbestos Museum being built in the historic section of Forestville.

Designers decided that visitors should truly be part of the museum. Therefore, thanks to the help of local contractors, the entire museum is made of asbestos.

Because exposure to Asbestos can be fatal, a range of personal protective equipment such as disposable masks, disposable coveralls and shoe covers must be worn by visitors and staff to protect them from exposure to airborne asbestos fibers. To remove any dust and asbestos that may be on the body, a shower in the museum is necessary at the conclusion of each tour.

If visitors purchase a “Museum Hopper” pass they can visit Forestville’s other museums such as the Watching Paint Dry Museum and the Boiling Water Museum for the price of one admission, according to the museum’s curator Erskine Dozier.

The Asbestos Museum will open in March of 2018 and once open, the museum expects to attract visitors, serving as a gateway to the other museums in the village.