The 2016 Forestville Philosophy Expo

July 9, 2016

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The 2016 Forestville Philosophy Expo was held last weekend at Greene Hills School and it failed to generate any buzz or enthusiasm.

The exhibition was for Forestville residents seeking illumination regarding wisdom, thought and logic. Only 113 people showed up, doubling last year’s attendance figure.

According to the event organizers, “The fatalists walked around saying it was their destiny to be here walking around talking about how it was their destiny to be here walking around. Fans of Friedrich Nietzsche stared into an abyss but were upset when the abyss did not stare back, and the amateur philosophers could not decide if they should discuss free will. Oh the irony.”

Organizers say the crowds would have been bigger but a segment of the philosophy community questions the existence of anything outside one’s own mind. As a result they all stayed home.

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Despite these issues, organizers guarantee there will be a 2017 Forestville Philosophy Expo. However, as one of the attendees remarked, “Can we be certain of anything if it hasn’t happened yet?”

Boardman


SpaceX Plans to Land Booster Rocket in Forestville

May 16, 2016
SpaceX Coming to Forestville?

SpaceX Coming to Forestville?

SpaceX, the aerospace manufacturer, recently landed a rocket on a robotic ocean barge after several attempts. Now, officials close to Elon Musk, the founder of SpaceX, say he wants to scrap barge landings in the Atlantic Ocean and instead land their Falcon 9 rocket on something more challenging — a flatbed truck in Forestville driven down Route 72 by an irate New York City cab driver under the influence of psychoactive drugs.

Forestville was not the company’s first choice. “We considered doing it in Hartford, but we’ve seen what happens to unattended cars there,” a representative said.

Because the City of Bristol/Forestville was just recognized as the “Best Small City for Doing Business in Greater Hartford” by a personal finance website and “Best City to Land a Reusable Rocket In” by Mrs. Kimbell’s kindergarten class at Greene-Hills School, Musk decided landing his rocket in Connecticut’s tenth most populous city was a good fit.

Governor Malloy is excited about the project. “Not only will this put Connecticut on the space map,” he said in a recent interview, “but allow the state to finally use the law I signed last session to charge tolls on any landing spacecraft.” This law was previously cited by UFOlogists as a reason aliens land elsewhere in the country.

The rocket itself is propelling a Dragon module to the space station. The module will contain numerous experiments to measure the spread of dog hair in zero gravity and determine if magnifying glasses burn ants faster in outer space.


Tickets Still Available for the Governor John Rowland Appreciation Dinner

November 27, 2015
Green Hills School, site of the John Rowland Appreciation Dinner

Green Hills School, site of the John Rowland Appreciation Dinner

Tickets for the John Rowland Appreciation Dinner to be held Saturday at 9 p.m. in Forestville are still available. Rowland was the 86th governor of the state of Connecticut and a twice convicted felon.

The original ticket price was $15 but was reduced to $10 and then $5 due to a lack of interest. Tickers are now free and can be obtained through the Forestville Chamber of Commerce.

Also, due to the anticipated small crowd, the venue moved from the banquet hall at Nuchie’s Restaurant, which can seat 300 people to the Family Resource Center on the first floor of Green Hills School, which can seat about 20 people, maybe. The menu will consist of food items from the school menu.

The scheduled speakers are fellow political luminaries and convicted felons:

Bridgeport, Connecticut, Mayor Joe Ganim (federal corruption charges for racketeering, conspiracy and bribery).

Former Connecticut State Senator, Ernie Newton (felony conviction for bribery, mail fraud and tax evasion).

Former Mayor of Hartford, Connecticut, Eddie Perez (felony conviction for bribery, fabricating evidence, and conspiracy to fabricate evidence).

Hope to see you there!

AB
Et tu, Brute?


Forestville Fourth Graders Announce Baseball Card Trade

January 17, 2015

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Billy and Owen 4th graders at Greene Hills School traded baseball cards during lunch Thursday.

The terms of the deal were not disclosed but sources say the boys swapped a total of seventeen cards including a card to be named later.

The negotiations were tense and there was name calling on both sides, but the deal was finalized when Billy included his father’s 1970 Nolan Ryan card. “Dad doesn’t know yet,” said a sheepish Billy.

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