Public Works Employees Receive Hero’s Welcome Following Nor’easter

January 25, 2017

ticker-tape-02

Forestville

Public Works drivers arrived at the city’s garages Tuesday afternoon to cheers of crowds following their heroic cleanup of Tuesday’s Nor’easter. Battling howling winds, rain and sleet, the plucky workers cleared roads and parking lots in Bristol and Forestville. “Everyone says its good we got snow and rain but I think it’s good we got the wind,” observed Barley Owens, a Public Works employee.

Their performance had captivated taxpayers as roads were quickly cleared between mandated coffee breaks. Dignitaries including city council members and celebrities from Bristol Talks greeted the men as they returned from an exhausting couple hours of plowing and salting.

“It was touch and go for a while,” admitted Jellybean, a popular snowplow driver. “But once I finished taking a nap in the cab and put the truck in gear, the weather was no match for me.”

The returning workers were further cheered as they drove down puddle-filled North Main Street splashing excited crowds gathered on the sidewalk. The cold and now wet residents waved and sought selfies with the brave drivers. The drivers were also met with ticker-tape, which they had to clean up later, scoring them much-appreciated overtime pay.

Said one rambling onlooker, “Times like these you really understand it’s the Public Works department that keeps us from turning into another Syria or Afghanistan.”

Jellybean smiled as he posed by his truck. “It’s our job. As our motto says, ‘Neither snow nor sleet nor heat nor gloom of night stays us drivers from the eventual completion of our appointed plowing.’ Well, heat does; there’s nothing to plow then. Actually, if there is no snow or sleet, we also get stayed. We really don’t do much most of the time. Fortunately, the break room has satellite and a vending machine filled with Little Debbies.”

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Man Burns Toast

November 5, 2016

burnt-toast

BOARDMAN EXCLUSIVE

A Forestville resident burned his toast before leaving for work this morning.

Skip Connors placed two slices of bread in the toaster as he usually does at 5:45 a.m. However, unlike most days, he became distracted by a story on the morning news and forgot about the toast. Realizing his mistake during the commercial break he rushed to the toaster but it was too late. The toast was black, charred and uneatable. In the chaos he also bumped his milk spilling it all over the counter.

Unfortunately, because he was running late for work, he left the resulting mess for his wife to clean.

What Others Are Saying

Melanie Corbin (housewife)
“Typical.”

Jellybean (single man)
“What’s wrong with eating burned toast?”

Alan Rappeport (married father of two)
“He left a mess for his wife to clean? Oh Jesus he’s now toast!”

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Jellybean Rides Again

April 23, 2011

Jellybean's cure all

I hope this is the last Jellybean story for awhile.

Dan Blazjowski, forty year old snow plow driver, rolled over in his bed early Tuesday morning, but suddenly awoke to sounds of yelling and banging.  “Get up! Get up! Get up!”  His colleague Jellybean was pounding on his front door. Blazjowski struggled to get to his feet and make it downstairs. As Dan reached the final step Jellybean burst through the front door.  Jelly sat down in Blazjowki’s living room and began to eat the little chocolate donut he brought with him. “Your kid is sick,” Jelly said taking a bite.  “Do yourself a favor and call in sick today.”

Dan thought this was nuts.  “Don’t ask me how I know, I just know,” the disheveled Jellybean said as he began to nervously pace about the room now frantically smoking a cigarette.

Jellybean then opened his gym bag and gave Blazjowski some Nyquil and a bottle of unmarked medicine. “This will help trust me,” Jellybean said as he jumped to his feet. “I have to go but don’t tell anyone I was here. You never saw me, the medicine or the bag.” He then darted out the door to a waiting rental car leaving a trail of smoke behind him.

Jellybean drove off into the morning darkness leaving Blazjowski standing alone in his doorway shaking his head in wonderment.


More Trouble for Forestville’s Jellybean

March 9, 2011

Pine Lake Jellybean's last known whereabouts

Forestville’s favorite son has more problems.

According to sources about sunset last Friday, the man known only as “Jellybean” turned off of Pine Street and drove his road weary min-van to the home of his boss and employer Solomon Weeks.

Weeks rarely permits visitors to his modest home which is built in the shadows of the ESPN campus just off Birch street, but by 7PM, he had a full house of co-workers including Dan Blazjowski celebrating a new large snow plowing and landscaping contract.

Jellybean entered Solomon’s living room and after acknowledging the gathered guests he picked up the guitar that was on display above the fireplace.  Unable to find the sound he was looking he dropped the autographed six string Fender on the floor, and went to the kitchen in search of a drink.

Jellybean opened various beverages and drank from each one until he found a suitable cocktail.

Leaving the opened containers behind, he then took a bath and returned to the kitchen wearing just a bandanna around his head.

“Hey Blaz,” Jellybean eagerly said acknowledging his snow plowing partner. Grabbing Blazjowski affectionately Jellybean said it was good to see him but did he have any beer.  Blazjowski motioned with his head to the garage. Raising an eyebrow Jellybean darted to the garage to find an ale of his liking.

“I can’t believe it,” Solomon Weeks said to Blazjowski near the foyer. “Jelly came by just after Jeopardy and he’s been on fire since he got here.”

After returning from the garage and playing an impassioned game of Pictionary with Al Tunis, Bob Kneeper and several others, Jellybean began making long distance phone calls from the Week’s land line and ordered pizzas from several area establishments because he, Tunis and Kneeper were hungry.

After the pizzas arrived and Jellybean could not find anything suitable to drink he left the party.  He was last seen parked near Pine Lake early Saturday morning but has not been seensince.