Hundred Acre Wood Seized Via Eminent Domain to be Bulldozed and Developed

January 16, 2018

The Hundred Acre Wood, a famed tranquil home to an anthropomorphic teddy bear in East Sussex, England, was recently seized through eminent domain and will be developed into a mixed-use property, according to the BBC.

The beautiful landscape, dotted with pine trees, frothy fields, babbling brooks and filled with Woozles and Heffalump’s, will soon be bulldozed and replaced with shops, multi-family housing, light industrial businesses and a Chik-fil-A.

Many residents are grief stricken about their property being seized, including one named Eeyore, who friends say, has gone off his depression medication in response. Stories like this are common throughout the heath.

The Hoppers

The Hoppers January 2018

Bristol developers are watching this story closely as they have long eyed turning the Hoppers, a 200-acre nature preserve located in Bristol with a menagerie of glacial till, sand, gravel, small stones, kettle holes and brownstone transported by a glacier during the last ice age, into a hip Apple store that is known for building out.

The City of Bristol purchased the geological formation in 1973 from Bristol Savings Bank, but that has not stopped developers from looking at the property with envious and greedy eyes.

Forestville industrialist John Deavers, CEO of the Forestville based Callous Corporation, is keen to purchase the property so he can transform the “supposed glacier” into stucco.


Extra Marital Affair Celebrates Fifth Anniversary!

December 23, 2015
Location of Dalliances

Location of Dalliances

Barbara Deavers, wife of Forestville industrialist John Deavers, began an extramarital affair with Zack Flanders five years ago this month following a company Christmas party.

To satisfy their physical urges their rendezvous were initially in the back parking lot located well behind Nuchie’s, but then progressed to the Plymouth Motor Lodge as the hook ups became less pedestrian and more entangled acts of carnal bacchanal.

Today their trysts are limited to the Deavers’ home whenever Barbara’s husband John is away on business.

The anniversary was not acknowledged with the exchanging of gifts, copulation or salty text messages because John Deavers just returned from a business trip abroad.

Friends and associates believe physical relations will resume between Mrs. Deavers and Zack Flanders when Mr. Deavers leaves for Germany next month.

This is Barbara’s first affair while Zack’s had numerous dalliances with married women in the area.


Forestville Update: Sidewalks, Party & Cell Phone Tower

October 3, 2012

The new sidewalks are here! The new sidewalks are here!

This…is Forestville for Wednesday October 3, 2012.

The sidewalks constructed in the center of the village are complete and citizens are enjoying the new walk ways as there has been brisk foot traffic. A ribbon cutting ceremony planned for the grand opening was abruptly canceled when the ribbon failed to arrive.

John and Barbara Deavers will be having their annual Halloween party on October 27th. Invitations are going out the end of this week.

A 23 year old Forestville resident wants a cell tower in Forestville village. “Bristol has one why can’t we? I am tired of my calls not going through,” said an agitated Lloyd Mobley at the canceled ribbon cutting ceremony.

Village life is difficult. The summers are long; the winters longer and everything else is in between.

Good night Forestville…and good luck.

The Kenneth Snipps Question

March 24, 2011

A Kenneth Snipps letter

I have been delaying this post for awhile but I feel now is the time to address the Kenneth Snipps question because I every few weeks I receive e-mails asking the following: Who is Kenneth Snipps?

I do not profess to know Kenneth but I live in Forestville and so does he so that makes me an expert. To the best of my knowledge I have met him at various village functions or parties thrown by John and Barbara Deavers. So, for all you Snipps devotees, here is what I do know:

Kenneth Snipps is a short, timid and neatly dressed thirty something year old man with no family to speak of that I am aware. He is well mannered but he is shy and gullible. I don’t know where he works or his educational background.

According to his friend Toby Jacks, in the last year he had an accident requiring medical attention and a fire in his home. Kenneth also had or has a serious health issue the extent of which I do not know. Kenneth’s friends such as Norbert Pendleton will only say it is being treated and he is improving. Kenneth’s friends and associates tend to be very protective of him.

As for his letters, he sends them all over the world. I know this for a fact because I have received e-mail inquiries from Germany, England, Spain, Australia and Japan seeking information.

I do not know why he writes his letters but his friends tell me he does not own a telephone or have regular access to the internet so he must write letters and cards to communicate.

I have read his letters because his recipients send me scans, and in my opinion I believe that he believes everything he writes about.

I know this won’t answer everyone’s questions but I hope it helps.



Phyllis Vark to defend Mrs. Forestville title in 2011

November 18, 2010

Phyllis Vark 2010 promotional photo

Phyllis Vark the 2010 winner of the Mrs. Forestville contest announced today she will defend her title in 2011.  The Mrs. Forestville Beauty Pageant celebrates married women in Forestville and is held every February at Nuchie’s.  The participants are evaluated on cooking, cleaning, party preparation, general hygiene, punctuality and attractiveness.

Phyllis Vark, the married mother of three and wife to John Vark, hopes to be the first repeat champion since Barbara Deavers.

Past winners include Cookie Genison, Betty Potter and Barbara Deavers, a six time champion.

Deavers Halloween Party

November 4, 2010

There is a great divide socially and economically when it comes to living in Forestville, you either live north of the railroad tracks or south of the railroad tracks, there is no in between.  However, when it comes to a party at the home of John and Barbara Deavers, Forestville’s most opulent couple, it does not matter where you reside in the village because for that brief moment we are all one.

It seemed as though all of Forestville attended the Deavers annual Halloween Party at their palatial estate last Saturday night.  The guest list included Audra and Solomon Weeks, Cookie Gension, Juan Gutierrez, Kletis Denim, Mitchell Luby and a date, Hank Lee Bowers and his wife Lisa, Mike Hill, Al Tunis, Bob Kneeper, Mr. and Mrs. Youch, Joe Kapperstein, Dewey Jasper, Norbert Pendleton, Zack Flanders, party crashers Maria Malvado and Silas Minutia, Larson Canover, Heather Ross and her husband Rick and countless others.

Unfortunately John Deavers was not in attendance because he was away on business, and what a shame because he missed another fantastic party thrown by his wife.  Their home was decorated in Halloween garb and the band hired for the night played a steady soundtrack of rock-n-roll hits from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

The best costume prize, which is very popular and brings out the best in Forestville’s residents creativity, went to garage mechanic Hank Lee Bowers.  Mr. Bowers attended the party dressed as a breathalyzer.

At the end of the evening Mrs. Deavers assured me their annual Christmas Party will go on without Mr. Deavers as he will be away.  She will conduct their carol sing through the streets of Forestville…north and south of the railroad tracks.

Forestville prepared for Halloween

October 29, 2010

The center of Forestville circa October 29, 2010 3:15 PM.

The center of Forestville looks festive this Halloween season in anticipation of the pagan ritual celebrated by children and adults in costumes.

My wife and I are attending John and Barbara Deavers’ annual Halloween party.  I am going as The Hulk and she as “Recently Divorced Woman.”  Should I be worried?