Anonymous Threatens to Expose AM Radio Listeners

November 5, 2015
Anonymous to out AM music radio listeners

Anonymous to out AM music radio listeners

The social justice hacker group known as Anonymous is threatening to expose the identities of individuals that listen to music on AM Radio stations. “The truth needs to come out to expose those amongst us that listen to poor music with horrible fidelity,” they said in a statement. Generally AM radio plays music that is considered the oldies.

Sources say numerous Forestville residents will appear on the list. “I listen to Slipknot and Nine Inch Nails on Pandora all day so I am cool,” said Larson Canover. “The are some folks however; I am not mentioning any names….Silas Minutia…Limping Larry that should be worried though,” Canover explained.

A member of the AM Music Radio Fan Club said there has recently been an effort to “out” AM radio listeners and it’s proving to be successful because listenership and membership is down.

There is also the rumor Anonymous will expose residents of Forestville that still use VCRs, Windows XP and folding maps with a data dump next month.

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Deavers’ 4th of July Celebration in Forestville

July 4, 2011

Deavers' 4th of July

Saturday was John and Barbara (Babs) Deavers annual 4th of July party.  The party had the usual assortment of cocktails, scrumptious hors d’oeuvres and an actual dinner menu! However, the highlight of the evening was not the food, or the Forestville Orchestra playing various patriotic songs, or the fashion show for charity or even the inspiring fireworks display, it was, by far, Barbara Deavers.  With her shoulder length hair and summer tan showing off her shapely leg, Babs was easily all the rage.

Moving quickly through Forestville’s various social classes that were in attendance, I sensed everyone had a spectacular time.  Those lucky enough to be there included Larson Canover, Maria Malvado, Solomon Weeks, Mitchell Luby, Dan Blazjowski, Rene Dubois, Zack Flanders, Trever Canby, Clovis and Kletis Denim, Virgilio Gonzales, Harley Pritchert, Mike Hill and Beth Hill, Ted and Nancy Tanner, Cookie Genison, Rob Halford, Betty Boukus, Howard and Phoebe Faris, Joe Kapperstein, Silas Minutia, Norbert Pendleton and Toby Jacks.

 


Forestville snow plow driver put on administrative leave due to the film Black Swan

February 22, 2011

Jellybean the snow plow driver

Jellybean, the popular Forestville snow plow driver for a local plowing company, called in sick to work during the last snow storm because he needed to see the film Black Swan, according to unnamed sources.

In recent weeks, Jellybean has been prone to a variety of illnesses and ailments which has resulted in the use of a hangover bag being applied to his neck during work hours. Jellybean was scheduled to work during the peak of the last snow storm when he advised his co-worker Dan Blazjowski “I can’t do it dude.”

Blazjowski called his supervisor Larson Canover and told him to meet them at the shop.  There was a problem.

Within a half-hour the key parties were in place, Jellybean, Blazjowski, Canover and Canover’s supervisor Solomon Weeks. Jellybean, standing six foot three and weighing well over 350 pounds, got up from his metal chair and helped himself to Canover’s Diet Coke and kept the hangover bag applied to his neck while he lit up a cigarette. His sixth so far.

“I can’t do it.” Jellybean said as the room filled with smoke. He could not plow these types of roads anymore. He knew it. They knew it. Everyone knew it. Besides he wanted to go to the movies and watch the Black Swan. A psychological thriller based around Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake starring Natalie Portman, formally of Star Wars and currently playing in movie houses across the country.

Blazjowski recognized that Jellybean was snowed out. A condition known among snow plow drivers when they have had it with plowing – hence the hangover bag and this late hour meeting.

Jellybean paced about Canover’s office, helping himself to his food and drink while he rambled on in a frazzled state trying to explain his position and anxiety. He told the assembled group that he had been up the previous night playing hangman and thinking about ballet.

Based on these revelations it was decided Jellybean would immediately be put on administrative leave so he could go to the theatre and watch Black Swan. It is not known when he will return to work.


Deavers Halloween Party

November 4, 2010

There is a great divide socially and economically when it comes to living in Forestville, you either live north of the railroad tracks or south of the railroad tracks, there is no in between.  However, when it comes to a party at the home of John and Barbara Deavers, Forestville’s most opulent couple, it does not matter where you reside in the village because for that brief moment we are all one.

It seemed as though all of Forestville attended the Deavers annual Halloween Party at their palatial estate last Saturday night.  The guest list included Audra and Solomon Weeks, Cookie Gension, Juan Gutierrez, Kletis Denim, Mitchell Luby and a date, Hank Lee Bowers and his wife Lisa, Mike Hill, Al Tunis, Bob Kneeper, Mr. and Mrs. Youch, Joe Kapperstein, Dewey Jasper, Norbert Pendleton, Zack Flanders, party crashers Maria Malvado and Silas Minutia, Larson Canover, Heather Ross and her husband Rick and countless others.

Unfortunately John Deavers was not in attendance because he was away on business, and what a shame because he missed another fantastic party thrown by his wife.  Their home was decorated in Halloween garb and the band hired for the night played a steady soundtrack of rock-n-roll hits from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

The best costume prize, which is very popular and brings out the best in Forestville’s residents creativity, went to garage mechanic Hank Lee Bowers.  Mr. Bowers attended the party dressed as a breathalyzer.

At the end of the evening Mrs. Deavers assured me their annual Christmas Party will go on without Mr. Deavers as he will be away.  She will conduct their carol sing through the streets of Forestville…north and south of the railroad tracks.


Barking dog horrifies community leader

March 28, 2009
Don't bark there Fido

Don't bark there Fido

During a random drive through Forestville Thursday evening, a dog was heard barking in the Daley Street area just after 7PM.  Heather Ross President of the Forestville Tourism Association is aghast, “This sickens me.  We all know a barking dog means trouble, and if this type of thing keeps tourists and visitors away from the village, there will be hell to pay.” 

 

Miss Ross has asked Larson Canover, the Forestville Information Minister to investigate the matter.  “If it is found that this dog was coaxed into barking by being promised a treat or a biscuit for doing some silly trick then we will speak to the owner,” said an agitated Ross.

 

Oh boy, here we go.