Rusty Curtland and Iris, an AR-15 rifle, were married Saturday in their Forestville home. Bruce Groogan, a Forestville area Justice of the Peace, officiated the occasion.
Mr. Curtland, a Forestville native and an independent contractor specializing in odd jobs, proposed Friday.
The AR-15, named Iris by Mr. Curtland, is a lightweight semi-automatic rifle manufactured in the United States.
The couple met due to a chance encounter at a gun show. “From the moment I saw Iris and held her I knew immediately I was done with handguns and shotguns,” an excited Mr. Curtland explained. “It was love at first sight. Iris gives my life purpose and meaning.”
Rusty proposed to his AR-15 rifle in his basement amongst scented Doe and Buck Urine, and tea lights to help set the mood. He asked for Iris’s hand in marriage because he said, “We share an eternal bond and besides we have been sleeping together for years so it was the right thing to do.” Mr. Curtland went on to say that he believes the AR-15 firearm may eventually be banned because it has become the weapon of choice in mass shootings. “I love my Iris and my Iris loves me and nothing will keep us apart. ‘My bounty is as boundless as the sea,’” he told Boardman.
Curtland, 53, whose first marriage to a Glock 19, a 9mm handgun, ended 10 years ago when the gun disappeared following a night of promiscuous drinking and cavorting.
The ceremony went off with a hitch. The AR-15, with a 30-round magazine, wore black with a red dot optical scope and muzzle to suppress the flash and sound.
The groom wore a waterproof insulated hunting jacket and matching pants with Woodsman Hunting boots.
The couple exchanged their vows in front of a stray dog and a terrified passerby.
The Wedding at a Glance:
Venue: Private estate, Forestville
Dress(es): Colt Manufacturing
Officiant: Bruce Groogan
Music: The Best of Molly Hatchet (CD)