A list of questions Special Counsel Robert Mueller wants to ask the president was leaked all over the press this week. Wetted critics point out that although the counsel is charged with investigating Russian meddling in the 2016 election, none of the questions deal with it. Instead they center on the president’s feelings about topics like James Comey, Michael Flynn, sunsets and Green Day.
His questions include “What was your reaction to news reports on Jan. 12, 2017, and Feb. 8-9, 2017?”, “What flavor of ice cream do you like and why?”, “How does my hair look?” and “Is there life after death?” Many conservative pundits worry the latter question is a perjury trap. Still, Trump may grant an interview request on condition that Kanye West be allowed to translate his answers into a rap.
Ex-FBI head Comey chimed in while assembling an altar to himself. While Trump didn’t “collude” with Russia, Comey suspects he was “in cahoots.” He bases it on an FBI memo that he did not leak but slipped to the press in a non-FBI sanctioned manner.
Republicans complain that Mueller has yet to interview any of the Russians or Democrats his offices alleges are involved. Even the Russian lawyer who met Donald Trump Jr. was upset. Said Natalia Veselnitskaya, “I demand to be investigated, so I get big American tell-all book.”
To date, Mueller has charged 13 Russians for internet fraud, Paul Manafort for improperly declaring income prior to 2015, and several others for inaccurately stating how much money they saved on car insurance with GEICO.
A CNN panel of 72 analysts and a malamute think Mueller’s list shows he is running out of things to investigate. “You have to remember,” said the panelist with the loudest voice, “it comes after an e-mail he sent begging Trump staffers to turn themselves in for a crime, any crime, even mailing letters without sufficient postage.”
The dog added, “Ruh. Ruh. Ruh.”