Mayor and City Council to Use Ouija Board to Make Critical Decisions

May 8, 2017

The Mayor and City Councilors in a unanimous vote last week approved the use of a Ouija Board to help them make pivotal decisions regarding the City of Bristol.

City leaders will use the Ouija Board for guidance while the Cone of Decision is being repaired by Public Works due to overuse during the fall and winter seasons.

The Finance Department thwarted their initial plans for a crystal ball because at $29.95 it was considered a budget buster. However, city officials discovered Mayor Stewart in New Britain used a Ouija Board to seek advice on how to replace the Rock Cats when they moved to Hartford. As a result Bristol has now partnered with New Britain to share the Ouija Board in a shared services program. The head of finance wanted to put the “board game” issue out to referendum but that request was denied.

Sitting in a circle in the Chamber of Seclusion, the Mayor and City Councilors will use the the game board to solicit input from Bristol’s forefathers regarding the former mall site, Memorial Boulevard School, teacher layoffs, Route 6, the mill rate, and a multitude of other topics which are so extraordinary complex they require the counsel and wisdom of dead people.

It is expected that they will begin using it immediately or sooner if possible.

The Ouija Board was not available for comment.

City Planning Gala to Celebrate MBS Still Being Closed

April 26, 2017

Later this year the City of Bristol will host a black-tie gala ball at Nuchie’s to celebrate 5 years of the Memorial Boulevard School being closed.

The mayor, along with city councilors, civic leaders and important people that no one has ever heard of, will celebrate the closing of the school, and the continued commitment to keep the landmark building, built in 1923, closed.

The MBS Gala will include cocktails, dinner, live music by the band Closed Casket and an auction of MBS memorabilia led by Christie’s Auction House of New York.  Noted memorabilia collector Bill Chatterton has donated MBS grout from his collection to the auction.  A silent auction will also be held and feature an autographed copy of the MBS Task Force Final Report signed by all the committee members. 

Former news reporter Tom Monahan will be the Master of Ceremonies. 

There will even be local tributes and renderings by the Art Squad. Among them is a beautifully painted traffic box of the historic and iconic building entitled Empty. Critics say the traffic box is truly an awe inspiring work of art and verification that there is a God.

The classically designed building closed in 2012.  The task force charged with developing a plan for the school put in 15 months of hard work, and recommended using the building as a community cultural and arts center. It was believed the undertaking would be part of a strategy to increase economic development and cultural growth.  Instead the Memorial Boulevard School remains dark, barren and empty and is now the latest attraction in an ever growing collection of empty buildings and vacant lots. 





Memorial Boulevard School to be Converted Into a Dunkin Donuts

December 12, 2016


After years of discussion and debate by the community and city leaders, The Memorial Boulevard School Committee in a stunning decision is recommending to city officials that the former school and iconic building be converted into a Dunkin Donuts.

The building, which is 90,000 square feet, is currently vacant, but the proposed Super-Duper Dunkin Donuts, as it will be known, will take up the entire building and include a store gift shop, museum and the world’s largest drive thru, which will be the running track that goes around the property. It is expected to attract coffee drinkers to the Mum City on a daily basis in record amounts.

The donut company and coffeehouse has proven to be very popular in Bristol and Forestville with a least 10 establishments and more to come.

However, despite Dunkin Donuts local popularity, several City Council members expressed their concerns. “A Dunkin Donuts Gift Shop and Museum but no Dunkin Donuts Paint Bar, Yoga Studio or high-end senior housing?” asked council member Anthony D’Amato. “That’s ridiculous.”

Councilor Calvin Brown had issues as well, “Is this so called Super-Duper Dunkin Donuts going to expand the menu and offer Chicken Marsala, Bolognese sauce or Anguilles à la crème at affordable prices? Or are we stuck with donuts, mocha latté’s and sandwiches? I’ve got a lot of constituents to answer to.”

The Finance Department echoed Mr. Brown’s concerns regarding the menu selection and the pricing, and as a result issued the following statement. “It is this department’s belief that before anything is done Dunkin Donuts must publish their menu so it can be put out to referendum allowing the voters to decide what they want to eat and at what prices.”

No time table was established for converting the public building into a coffee and donut mecca.

City Hall Relocation Sticker Shock

December 11, 2016


City officials recently heard proposals by the Public Works Department to either move City Hall offices to Memorial Boulevard School or renovate the existing building. The price tag is between $20 – 24 million; less if they share space with homeschooler Mrs. Thurman’s first-grade class.

Critics of the proposal were shocked by its cost and the prospect of having to use safety scissors and student chair desks for official business.

Forestville consulting firm Landry, Issel and Escalanté presented an alternative to City Councilors, the Board of Finance, the Memorial Boulevard School Committee, and Jerry the Security Guard.

The idea is to convert City Hall to a Tiny House on wheels. A Tiny House is between 100 and 400 square feet and it is mobile. “Why pay millions to renovate or move when we can have a Mobile City Hall for under $25,000?” the report asked.

The new City Hall?

The new City Hall?

The proposal is gaining traction especially among Councilors and Jerry the Security Guard. Proponents say that by using a tiny home for City Hall they can eliminate clutter, downsize staff, force collaboration, eliminate security concerns and City Hall can come to the taxpayers not the taxpayers to City Hall.

From the Forestville….

April 12, 2016

Newsdesk 01

Hello everyone,

Here are the stories coming in to the Forestville NewsDesk at this hour.

Hey Forestville Republicans Two Weeks to go to Choose Your Demagogue!

Trump Cruz

Only two weeks remain until republicans choose their demagogue! Are you registered to vote? Have you weighed the negatives versus the negatives?

One wants to build a wall the other wants to patrol neighborhoods. Who to pick, who to pick?

April 26 is primary day in Connecticut!

Forestville Democrats Make Plans to Live Completely Under Republican Rule

Town democrats fear they will lose more elections this fall and are preparing for the potential impact. Consequently they are conducting seminars once a month at the Forestville Social Club to reduce the stress and are telling rank and file democrats:

Remain calm
Call family members
Check on neighbors especially the elderly

More later on this story.

Divided Lane to End Residents Rejoice


Late last week several residents came out in support for ending the divided lanes on Memorial Boulevard. They told city councilors the decision to go to one lane is closing the book on an era of discrimination, “Why should slow drivers be forced to drive in their own lane? Now we are all being treated the same,” said Missy Bettins.

Supporters of Legislative Candidate Deny He is a Whiner

Peter Del Mastro, a Republican candidate for the 79th District seat in the Connecticut General Assembly, was accused of being a whiner in the Letters to the Editor section of a local newspaper. A charge his supporters deny. “Yes he habitually gripes about the democrats, bemoans their policies, grumbles about their ineptitude and moans about them personally but in no way shape or form is he a whiner,” complained Latham Eikel, a Del Mastro supporter.

Legendary Local Garage Band Breaks up Before First Rehearsal

Wet Floor 01

Wet Floor, a Forestville based garage band, has broken up. Stating “creative differences” the band ceased operations prior to their first rehearsal. “We met on Monday, formed the band on Tuesday and broke up on Wednesday,” remarked a disgruntled Ryan Campanella, the lead singer. “It’s the end of an era but we had to break up because we were a spent force creatively.”

One Lane Mania

February 25, 2016
Memorial Boulevard

Memorial Boulevard

The Memorial Boulevard, the gateway to downtown, will soon be a one lane roadway going in each direction, much to the disappointment of many motorists. “I am disappointed,” said one, added another, “Me too.”

Currently, a two roadway traveling in each direction, the boulevard is being changed to accommodate a bike path and to just frustrate and anger drivers. “It is incumbent of government to make life as difficult as possible for residents,” said Benjamin Stubbs, a clerk with the Traffic Division.

Egor, the mayor’s spokesperson remarked, “Fifty percent of peoples be happy about this, fifty percent mad and other fifty percent not notice nothing.”



City officials say, this change will reduce car accidents and increase bike accidents, while preserving the paint budget since they will no longer be required to paint white lines identifying the lanes.

“I knew traffic was flowing too freely through this town. I figured they were either going to have to make it one lane or turn the left lane into a toll lane,” quipped a commuter. “Anyway, can you get out of the way so I can keep driving?”

In response to the naysayers the mayor said, “This is a change the drivers of the city will look back on as they sit in traffic and smile about. When some car drives 10 mph below the speed limit, the drivers stuck behind it should see this as not as a traffic problem, but a traffic opportunity – a way to bring the people of Bristol and Forestville closer together, which is what I said I was going to do.”

MBS Task Force Alumni Reunion Scheduled

October 22, 2015
Memorial Boulevard School

Memorial Boulevard School

Plans are underway for an alumni reunion of the Memorial Boulevard Task Force.
The time and place of the reunion remain clouded in mystery, however because in keeping with the task force’s reputation it’s a secret. The public is not invited and neither are spouses or significant others of the alumni.

Continue to visit this website for a further lack of details or information.