Slappy the Seal – star of Nutmeg Television’s program, “Slap Happy Slappy” died late Monday, off the shores of Norway.
Preliminary autopsy results indicate the cause of death as “harpooning.” Officials would not comment on rumors that Slappy was being turned into a hat, tastefully trimmed in chinchilla following his untimely death.
Slappy was last seen Friday afternoon dining with his agent, Michelle Bohan, at a sushi bar in Plainville. Ms. Bohan was unable to explain how her client ended up halfway around the world.
Slap Happy Slappy was the highest rated children’s program on Nutmeg TV, and featured Slappy performing various tricks for a studio audience of children – in between Japanese Anime cartoons.
Celebrity condolences came in almost immediately.
“We were going to honor him the keys to the city but as everyone knows now they went missing. I’m not naming names Greg, Peter, or Josh. Anyway, Slappy will be missed.”
Ellen Zoppo-Sassu, Mayor Bristol, CT
“He was a great deal of fun at the Pequabuck River Duck Race. What was that trick he did with the ball and his nose? Oh shoot I can’t remember. Anyway, he will be missed.”
Waddles, The Pequabuck River Duck Race Mascot
“Slappy was going to roll out the first pitch at a Bristol Blues game this season. I guess he can’t now – maybe Waddles will do it instead. Anyway, Slappy will be missed.”
Elliot Scheiner, owner Bristol Blues Baseball Club
News of the show’s fate came swiftly as well.
Nutmeg TV announced the immediate termination of the program – calling for the entire studio to be gutted and steam cleaned. In a press release they justified the show’s cancelation, “The whole place smells like low tide, and we may never be able to remove the foul stench.”