Pence Has a Full Day Planned Being Obsequious

February 16, 2018

Trump is scheduled to depart Washington this afternoon to go to Florida so Vice President Mike Pence, never one to shy away from being obsequious to Trump, has a busy planned being obsequious to Trump.

This morning at a meeting regarding infrastructure, Pence is scheduled to go overboard lavishing Trump with praise. His remarks are to remind Trump and the nation how humbled he is to be in his presence, and thank him for his strong leadership.

The love fest will continue during a briefing with Trump where he will continually say “Sir.” The vice president is expected to answer “Yes my Lord” when peppered with questions by Trump.

After the briefing, the vice president will fawn all over Trump in the presence of White House staff.

And finally just before 3PM, while Trump addresses the media prior to boarding Marine One, Mr. Pence will stand behind Trump and while admiring him with a deep stare, he will nod his head up and down only stopping to change which side of his head he chooses to nod.

It is unknown if the vice president will wave while Marine One departs for Andrews Air Force Base.

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Book Review: An American Budget

February 13, 2018

An American Budget (Trump’s 2019 Budget) written by Trump with Mick Mulvaney was released yesterday, and it was a bore and a challenge to read. It lacked a plot, character development and droned on and on regarding expenditures and revenues while lacking a moral compass.

For example, the book proposes to make cuts to student loan subsidies, reduce pension benefits for federal workers and cut food stamps while increasing spending for the military. Alas, the boots on the ground will never see any of that money, so who do your root for and identify with there?

At only 160 pages the prose gets bogged down with charts, gimmickry and unrealistic fiscal assumptions; thus spiraling the plot out of control and rendering it a work of fiction.

Trump, it is said, never wanted to be president so he probably did not want to write An American Budget either and it shows.

However Mick Mulvaney, Director of the Office of Management and Budget, who never smiles and wears glasses, must take responsibility for this fiasco because it is his creation.

This work is neither comprehensive nor thought-provoking, and leaves the reader feeling unfulfilled. One suspects this is what the author(s) were going for all along. If this is the answer to Michael Wolff’s Fire and Fury, it is a poor rebuttal.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR(S)

Trump resides in Washington D.C. and has no pets.

Mick Mulvaney was born in 1967 and is a mean person.

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Did the Russians Meddle with the Super Bowl?

February 5, 2018

It is no secret that New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft is a friend of Donald J. Trump so following last night’s dramatic Super Bowl game, which nearly saw the Patriots come from behind and win again, Special Counsel Robert Mueller announced he is investigating to see if Russia meddled with the Super Bowl.

The Patriots, for the second consecutive Super Bowl were losing at halftime, battled back to take the lead late. Consequently, rumors were rampant that Russian Diplomat Sergei Kislyak, a key figure in Mueller’s Russian investigation, was in the stadium colluding with New England and NFL officials to develop a certain outcome.

Christopher Steele, a former British intelligence officer and author of The Trump-Russia dossier, warned of this scenario due to Kraft’s cozy relationship with Trump. The intelligence community believes the Patriots as an organization were compromised several years ago because they not only drafted players with Eastern European names like Gronkowski (Polish) and Gostkowski (Polish), but they hired a head coach named Belichick (Croatian).

Intelligence officials are of the mind that the Russian government successfully made inroads into the Patriots, and the league offices too. In fact, Russian experts at the Wilson Center think backup quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo was traded midseason for virtually nothing because he is of Greek decent, and refused to learn Russian as a second language.

The revelations about the New England Patriots and Russia is just the latest blemish in their long and sorted history of controversy, secrecy and manipulation, which is the calling card of the Russian intelligence apparatus.


National News Roundup

February 4, 2018

Democrats Lash Out at FBI Memo – Other Memos Speak Out #MemoToo

A newly released memo describes the FBI as using a false Russian dossier and a squad of cheerleaders to convince a judge to grant a warrant to spy on Donald Trump’s campaign.

Irked Democrats variously argue the memo says nothing, is anti-FBI, omits key facts or lacks context, such as that implicated ex-deputy director Andrew McCabe and ex-director James Comey are good people who do charity-fundraising car washes in skimpy bathing suits.

One senator, Pennsylvania’s Paul Puffkin, maintains the original Democratic charge: the memo’s release endangers national security by revealing FBI sources and methods. In one example, the memo reveals how Comey signed a re-authorization for the spying using a pen obtained from the stationary closet. Another passage describes how agents get their coffee from the FBI cafeteria. Also, that the agency has a “Bring Your Suspect to Work” day in March.

“The president should not publicly reveal these practices,” Puffkin said in a statement to himself. “It puts in harm’s way not only our agents, but their hot beverages.”

Morally Superior YouTube Tags Government Channels

YouTube has begun identifying videos that are funded by governments as part of an effort to alert people to news bias. Channels on the video platform like PBS, BBC and RT (formerly Russia Today until it divorced its life partner Ukraine Today) now carry large red warning labels. The labels include buttons that offer viewers to click “Yes, Continue Watching” or “Get Me Out of Here!” which redirects to a Sesame Street presentation on “Sexual Harassment in the Workplace” starring Grover.

Bali Ali, spokesman for the Indonesia-backed channel “Bali Today,” had no problem with the policy change. Speaking from a room filled with dense volcanic smoke, Ali commented on this and the recent flu epidemic. “It’s important that cough people cough cough know where they get their cough cough cough from.”

Trump Celebrates Year in Office

As part of a continuing celebration of a year in the White House, the president proudly released a retrospective DVD, “President Trump: The Complete First Season.”

The DVD is jam-packed with speeches, cabinet meeting highlights and cameos by foreign leader favorites like the little prince from Amiens, French president Emmanuel Macron and laugh-a-minute head of China, Xi Jinping. It also includes never-before-leaked bloopers starring our 45th president at his “Trumpiest.”

The DVD comes with the 2018 “Women of the White House” calendar. It features Melania, Ivanka, State Department spokesman Heather Nauert and U.N. Ambassador Nikki Haley among others, each honoring a month of the year with a suggestive, barely legal pose and a stern warning to North Korea. Owing to legal obligations, former Office of Public Liaison director Omarosa Manigault stars as White House Playmate of the Year. The Women of the White House calendar promises to “make all your dreams of limited government sexy.”

Other stories in the news:
– Boardman “National News Roundup” Omits “Other stories in the news” section


Thoughts on State of Union for those who didn’t watch it

January 31, 2018

Republican congressmen burned more carbs

Trump had a binder on the podium during his speech. The binder contained family photos from his trips to the Middle East, Asia and France that he planned to show if the speech dragged.

The hour plus speech included a five-minute bathroom break.

Trump recognized at least 20 people in the balcony and one service dog who showed up with her service parrot.

Trump proposed Congress authorize spending $1.7 trillion on bridges, canals and roads, including a loop-de-loop Hot Wheels-style highway.

Mike Pence looked on adoringly.

Paul Ryan debuted his proud “I am a Sycophant Face.”

The truth was spotted at times during the speech wearing see-thru black.

Four Democrat representatives and the Socialist Party representative Bernie Sanders gave official responses to the speech, mostly criticizing grammar errors and the excessive use of adverbs. The speeches appeared on various media outlets, while Sanders’address was delivered in the YouTube channel Socialist Today.

A sixth response was delivered by Lucky the Lucky Charms leprechaun, an independent candidate for Congress and pipe tobacco spokesman.

Later, Hilary Clinton delivered her own State of the Union speech in her self-appointed role as shadow president.


Trump Now says Pink Floyd Will Pay for the Wall

January 22, 2018

Beginning in 2015 and ever since, Trump has stated over and over that Mexico would pay for the wall he wants to build along the southern border of the United States. However, in yet another stunning reversal, Trump has abandoned the idea of making Mexico pay for the construction costs and instead, he now wants the English rock band Pink Floyd to pay for the wall.

Speaking at a fundraiser Thursday night Trump pledged to the crowd, “I will build a tremendous wall. It will be a great, great wall and I will make Pink Floyd pay for that wall. They don’t know it yet but they will pay for it. Believe me.”

Pink Floyd released their 11th studio album entitled The Wall in 1979, and to date it has sold 17 million copies worldwide.

White House officials say Trump listened to The Wall, and after speaking with advisors and having the concept album explained to him several times he wants The Floyd to pay for his proposed wall. “Drugs have been pouring into this country for a long time, and they (Pink Floyd) consumed a lot of those drugs so they should pay for the wall with their royalties,” Trump pledged Thursday from a gold lectern created in his image.

No word if Roger Waters, David Gilmour et al were notified of Trump’s recent policy change.

Meanwhile Mike Pence continues to nod adoringly at Trump, and Rachel Maddow continues to laugh at almost everything she says during her broadcast.

The Forestville Fire Department had no comment about this story.


Government Shutdown Apparel Now Available

January 20, 2018

Celebrate the historic 2018 Government Shutdown with officially licensed government shutdown apparel with Alan Boardman’s 2018 Government Shutdown Apparel. There are T-shirts, sweatshirts, sweaters, hats, socks, stockings and more!

The t-shirts, sweaters and hoodies come in three sizes: Large, X Large and Jesus Christ!

All wear is 100% cotton, machine wash and tumble dry and made in sweat shops by children in China, Honduras and Haiti.

The apparel is available from a variety of respected brand names like Nike, New Era, Adidas, and Puma. Included in the collection is the limited edition “THIS TIME IT’S NOT TED CRUZ’S FAULT” sweat shirt. It will sell out quickly so buy one, no check that buy two, and do so right now!

The geniuses in Washington can’t get their act together, but you can get yours together by ordering your trendy and stylistic 2018 Government Shutdown apparel today.