Black bears have descended upon Forestville and Bristol in record amounts recenlty, according to the Connecticut Department of Energy and Environmental Protection (DEEP).
With an improved economy, better places to eat and a buzz about the city, bears are here in record numbers, DEEP officials said.
However, according to sources, though, the President of the United States decried the influx of black bears into the area during a White House meeting, “These black bears are coming from Burlington, Harwinton, Wolcott and even shithole towns like Terryville.”
Consequently, based on a directive from the Attorney General of the United States, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, DEEP is separating the baby bears from their mothers.
Mr. Sessions ordered a “zero-tolerance policy” for illegal border crossings by bears. That apparently includes prosecuting mama bears traveling with their cubs. Sessions described it as deterrence.
A source familiar with the situation told Boardman, “The cubs are pried from their mothers and shipped to tender age shelters located at the former Bristol Mall Site, the former Armory building and the former Bingham School. The mother bears are sent to the pound and then become quality shawls.”
The White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders invoked random Bible quotes to justify the practice of separating mama bears from their cubs and making them a flimsy piece of clothing stating, “I would cite you Psalm 137:9. ‘Happy those who seize your children and smash them against a rock.’”
“According to 1 Samuel 15:3 ‘Go, now, attack Amalek, and deal with him and all that he has under the ban. Do not spare him, but kill men and women, children and infants, oxen and sheep, camels and asses.’”
But wait there is more.
“In Deuteronomy 23:10-13 it states, ‘You shall also have a place outside the camp and go out there, and you shall have a spade among your tools, and it shall be that when you sit down outside, you shall dig with it and shall turn to cover up your excrement.’”