The Russian team was severely penalized by the Olympic Committee for systematic doping prior to the games in Pyeongchang, South Korea. Now they suffered another setback when its bus driver tested positive for a banned performance-enhancing substance. The driver, Oleg Rimsky-Korsakov, was already under suspicion after repeatedly getting Russian members to and from the Olympic Village before anyone else.
“It’s weird,” says American skater Bradie Tennell. “One moment Alina Zagitova is eating breakfast; so I go to the rink to practice. When I get there, she’s already on the ice turning triple lutz-triple loop combinations. I mean, yeah, Alina, we know you’re awesome. Give it a rest.”
The FBI has thus far refused to declassify the identity of the banned substance the driver took. However, Democrat Representative Adam Schiff immediately called for a second special counsel to look into possible collusion between Trump and the Russians to make American Olympian bus drivers finish second at the Winter Games.
Earlier, Russia saw their curling duo stripped of a bronze medal after another Russian with a long name tested positive for a substance that no one at Boardman heard of before.
Canada lost a curling contender as well. Tests of the “B” sample from Quebec’s Guy LeGuy revealed his system contained higher than normal levels of back bacon for a Canadian.
In the meantime, some track coaches have called for Americans to start doping in order to finally win a gold in the luge.