February 16, 2016

From the news 01

From the Forestville NewsDesk.

Dateline Tuesday February 16, 2016.

Discussion Continues With No End in Sight

City leaders gathered recently to discuss The Mum Festival and it’s not going well. Said one participant, “It started out as a discussion then it became a talk then a dialogue followed by a debate and then back to a discussion. I’m not sure what it is now. A confab – maybe? Pow Wow? Quorum? God, let’s not go there! But as long as it’s not groupthink. Please don’t be that.”


Mailbox Policy

The village of Forestville’s long awaited and highly anticipated policy regarding mailboxes was finally issued after 203 years.

According to the policy put forth, rural mailboxes are not to be too close to the street or too far away from the curb. Nor are they to be too low to the ground or too high above the landscape.

The mailboxes must be in fine working order and have no engineering issues. They can only make environmental noises consistent with a mailbox.


Dean’s List

Wei Chu

Noted Tiger mom and Forestville resident Ling Chu wants everyone to know that her son Wei did not make the Dean’s list last semester at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology due to poor grades. “If he can’t have the common decency to finish at the top of his class then I am going to let everyone know,” she said.


New Support Group Forms

Feeling left out, a support group was formed for people not in a support group. “I just wanted something to do on Tuesday nights so here I am,” said Finnegan Omes, a member. Added Maria Malvado, a recent pledge, “I come for the coffee.”

The group meets every 2nd Tuesday of every other third month.

Underground Business Entrepreneurs Banned From Home and Business Expo


The 31st annual Bristol/Forestville Home and Business Expo is coming up but a drug dealer known on the streets as “Smitty” and Tanya from Downtown, a high end prostitute, were denied booths this year.

“We are being discriminated against just because our businesses are illegal. That is not fair,” Tanya complained.

Organizers confirmed they were not allowed to be exhibitors due to the nature of their business. Smitty said he fails to see the logic in the decision, “We want the opportunity to showcase our businesses and connect with new customers too. What is the crime in that?”