Some Taxpayer’s Love Local Tax Increase

June 9, 2016

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City officials recently announced a modest 4.1 percent tax increase for the next fiscal year. Many residents are outraged over the increase but not everyone.

Niles Nitz, president of Forestville Taxpayers Association, applauded the decision and demanded city officials raise the mill rate higher than 4.1 percent. “We live in Connecticut the wealthiest state in the union; our tax burden should reflect that.”

Gilbert Franco supports the tax hike too and is aimlessly walking everywhere including the streets of Forestville near Route 72 with a sandwich board sign around his neck that reads “Tax Increases Changed My Life, Ask Me How.”

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Resident Ann Lachler, has lived in Forestville her entire life, and said, “Each and every tax increase whether it is federal, state or city gives me the warn fuzzies and earth moving, toe clenching physical pleasure. Why couldn’t they have done this last year when I needed it?”

The city will raise the 34.61-mill tax rate to 36.03 mills but for Mr. Nitz and members of his organization it is of little consolation. “It only adds about two hundred bucks a year to my bill. Big freaking whoop. Can’t they do better than that?”


City Leaders Consider Naming Recent Tax Increase After City Founder

June 7, 2016

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City officials recently raised the mill rate by 4.1 percent and unanimously agreed to name it the 2016/2017 Ebenezer Barnes Tax Hike.

“Mr. Barnes was the first settler in Bristol,” city council spokesperson Edward “Eddie” Edwards stated before gathered media. “Interestingly, the head of the budget committee said his forefather was a buddy of Barnes and was at his side before he died. Barnes told him that he regretted not living long enough to see the day when Bristol would pass a 4.1 percent increase in the mill rate. This is our opportunity to honor his memory and keep his spirit alive.”

Expectations are that there will be a significant state deficit next year which will result in the need for substantial tax increases locally once again. The city anticipates that the revelation that Mr. Barnes aspired for citizens to be taxed more will ease any upset over the hike.

Residents could see other increases in fees and services. The water bill will be raised with the upcoming Nehemiah Manross fee hike, named after another city founder who supposedly loved water. This will be followed by the Yacky the Cockatoo Dump Fee Increase. “Yacky is a very popular star on YouTube and so cute,” Edwards said. “So we expect this fee change to be extremely popular especially amongst kids.”