Having adjourned to the Chamber of Seclusion in the subterranean section of City Hall and, using the Cone of Decision to guide them, the Bristol City Council in a unanimous vote Monday night censured Mayor Ken Cockayne for the second time in as many years for sexual misconduct and dishonesty.
The council did not take this matter lightly. Acting mayor Tony D’Amato ordered the doors to the great chamber sealed with mortar and cement with instructions they not be opened until a decision was rendered, even if they ordered takeout.
Once the “council conclave” began the city councilor’s, in addition to using the Cone of Decision, consulted with the Great Orb of Influence, which had not been invoked since Frank Longo was mayor during the teacher’s strike in the 1970s.
Anticipation grew and speculation was plenty at 111 N. Main Street when suddenly white smoke spilled from a chimney atop City Hall, signifying the council had reached a decision.
Tony D’Amato emerged from the Chamber of Seclusion visibly shaken, but with his hands clasped together, he kept repeating, “Buona sera (good evening)! Buona sera!”
The town crier, dressed elaborately in a purple and gold coat, breeches, boots and a tricorne hat, read the news about the mayors’ fate using his outdoor voice.
Once the town crier completed his remarks, Calvin Brown and Mary Fortier released two white doves into the Bristol night in a gesture of hope. Where they obtained the doves and how they got the doves into the Chamber of Seclusion and past the Great Orb of Influence remains a mystery, and could warrant its own investigation.
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING
Egor (Mayor’s spokesperson)
“Ruh roh! Egor tink dis be bad. Rrr.”
Rick Kriscenski (possible write-in candidate for mayor)
“I predicted this would occur 20 years ago. If we had built an ice rink like I said this never would have happened. Oh, by the way, Trumpism will destroy Bristol.”
Ted Liu (Forestville resident)
“Bristol City Council Censures Mayor a Second Time? I think three times gets him a membership in the Academy in Hollywood.”