Free Edward Clarkin

January 2, 2016
Edward Clarkin

Edward Clarkin

Edward Clarkin, the embattled Bristol Press reporter, has never been seen or heard by anyone but he has attracted an army of dedicated fans after only a handful of articles were published in the paper. However, newspaper critics allege his most recent work regarding the Nevada court system was plagiarized and that the name Edward Clarkin is merely a pseudonym.

Yesterday, in response, scores of supporters stood outside of The Bristol Press for hours with signs chanting “Free Clarkin!”

Admirers say Mr. Clarkin’s article about the courts in Nevada changed their lives so they are dismayed by all the negative attention. “The media have come down on the guy just because his writing is astonishing. The range, the depth, the use of giant words brought tears,” said Big Tony, between chants and fist pumps in the air at yesterday’s rally.

Edward Clarkin fans have organized support rallies around Forestville in the coming days. Mr. Bubbles Car Wash, the Asbestos Museum, the Forestville Club and other culturally significant places, will see a steady stream of fans picketing.

Supporters also plan to sell Free Clarkin souvenirs and start Free Clarkin social media sites. “Critics claim Eddie plagiarized a few words and that he may not even exist. Ok. Well, that might be the case but big freaking deal we need a guy like this. Free Clarkin! Free Clarkin! Free Clarkin!” Big Tony howled in unison with other zealots.

The Bristol Press remains silent about Edward Clarkin.

Edward Clarkin remains silent about Edward Clarkin.

But his legions of fans are not silent about Edward Clarkin.

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January 1, 2016

Community

* Friday
Mope Fest 2016

Mopey people unite.

Mopey

Mopey

Bring your long face to the Forestville Social Club for what organizers say will be a real brood fest. Pout, sulk, grouse and grumble all you like at the Forestville Mope Fest 2016.

The food will be bad, the surroundings terrible and the companionship worse. A brooders paradise!

There will be plenty of sour grapes for everyone.

7PM to 1AM Forestville Social Club
Tickets are still available.

* Saturday
Learn how to take a nap.

Receive tips from world renowned power napper Hirohito Tumasani in this intensive two hour workshop. Be the envy of your friends, family and co-workers!

Following the workshop, Forestville Historian, Lincoln Baines Cafey, will present evidence that the nap was invented in Norway, and was Norway’s only contribution to the Renaissance during the 14th century.

1PM to 3PM Manross Library
Tickets are still available.

* Sunday
Edward Clarkin Luncheon

Edward Clarkin

Edward Clarkin

Come one come all folks!

Beloved writer Edward Clarkin will be recognized by city leaders for his journalistic contributions to the community.

From reviews of restaurants to court judges Mr. Clarkin has dedicated his professional life to writing, journalism and integrity.

Congratulations Edward!

11AM to 2PM Nuchie’s
Tickets are still available.