Word Camp

March 24, 2018

Forestville’s Word Camp begins the week of July 2 at Peck Park. Make the big changes you need to improve your vocabulary and attend Word Camp.

For just $100 every camper will have the opportunity to learn a new word every day and even make up a new word too.

Campers will also learn:

• How to Improve their adjective selection
• Advanced pronouns
• Fun and adventurous swear words
• Interesting ways to misspell words creatively
• How to get the adverbs out of their life
• Arts and Crafts

And that is not all!

Coaches will be available to help and assist with “determiners” and other odd word classifications such as: subjective pronouns, objective pronouns, possessive pronouns and yes even reflexive pronouns.

A study group will take up and discuss in extreme detail the silent E and how it not only hurts the writer, but the long-term damage it does to the reader.

Campers will do crossword puzzles, word searches, word jumbles and spelling bees.

Each year Word Camp has an official word. Last year’s word was “diplococcus” (dip·lo·coc·cusˌdiplōˈkäkəs/). Campers loved it because it just rolled off their tongues! What will this year’s word be? Is it sesquipedalian? How about estuary? What about imbroglio? Attend word camp and find out!

Camp hours are Monday through Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. except days where camp councilors don’t show up or it rains or it is really hot.

For an additional $50 campers can attend Fun with Numbers Camp.

Testimonials: Here is what hominids are saying about Word Camp

Carla Rodriguez Calderón

Yesterday words had no meaning and paintings had no color. Today they do. I was typhlotic before Word Camp. Thank you Word Camp.

Tate Singleton

If you use words to communicate then this is the place for you.

Marty Skitmer

What are words for when no one listens? That is so curio of me! What do you mean I am not using that right? Huh?

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National Observance Week Fails To Garner Observers

March 19, 2018

Polls show people were unaware that February 26 – March 2 was National Invasive Species Awareness Week. Said invasive species awarer Morris Envy, “We’re sad. The public must be better informed about the great contributions that undocumented plant and animal immigrants make to our environment.”

In related news, plans to commemorate National Introverts Week were scuttled when organizers discovered there would be cameras at the event. A march for National White Chocolate Cheesecake Day was also canceled when their leader was unable to fit through the door of her house.


Another Former Trump Advisor Moving to Forestville

March 15, 2018

Gary Cohn, former chief economic advisor to Trump, has reportedly purchased a property in the village of Forestville just off of Pine Street near Stop & Shop.

The billionaire banker, and one-time Chief Operating Officer at Goldman Sachs, is looking for a drastic change so he settled on a three-bedroom and 1.1 bath Cape in the ville. The home includes a delightful 2 car detached garage and new windows.

Mr. Cohn in an effort to fit-in with locals purchased season tickets to the Bristol Blues for the upcoming season, and will volunteer at Forestville Little League in the Snack Shack.

Some Little League volunteers are not happy with their new volunteer though. “He might know how to operate the world’s economy and be a big shot on Wall Street, but what does he know about selling hamburgers and Kool-Pops?” remarked Denny Dillon, a Little League volunteer. “The Snack Shack is a cash business fraught with staffing, inventory and money issues.”

A spokesperson for Mr. Cohn said he will work in the shack on Tuesdays and Saturday mornings, but he will not umpire or coach or work on the fields.


Tours of City Hall

March 2, 2018

Guided tours of Bristol City Hall are now available.

Weekday guided tours leave from the Forestville Post Office at 10 a.m. with a 2.9 mile walk to Bristol City Hall located at 111 North Main Street.

Self-Guided Tours are available Monday through Friday beginning at 9:00 a.m. from the north entrance, and usually take 5 minutes. Ten minutes if you stop to talk to someone.

What Will You See?

* The door to the Assessor’s Office
* Two stairwells
* The great hallway where it is claimed George Washington slept here

What Will You Learn?

* The mayor’s office is soundproof, and was at one-time idea proof too

What You Will Not See?

* Cone of Decision
* Chamber of Seclusion
* Great Orb of Influence

One Last Thing Before the Last Thing

* Food is available for tourists from specialty vending machines

Facts About City Hall

* Dedicated September 14, 1963
* 1,500 people attended the dedication most of whom are now dead
* City Hall will never be on the National Register of Historic Places


Forestville Celebrates Lincoln’s Birthday

February 12, 2018

The village of Forestville has a several events planned today for Lincoln’s birthday that have nothing to do with the 16th President of the United States and Great Emancipator.

However, there will no reading of the Gettysburg Address or his Second Inaugural. Instead, the following activities are planned:

The Manross Library will host Basket Weaving for Men at 9AM. Instructor, famed Forestville coach, Coach Halpert, will guide men and boys through the intricacies of basket weaving because as the brochure says, “Basket weaving just ain’t for chicks.”

Using marram, straw, willow or bramble, guys will make baskets that are suitable for holding flowers, towels, tiny little soaps, medium wrenches and 3/4″ lug nuts.

Over at the Forestville Historical Society will be an engineering class for women entitled, Engineering for Women. The class is from 1PM until whenever.

Forestville resident Dr. Emma Glockenspiel will teach women civil engineering while they sip wine, gossip, knit, post entries to their gratitude journals or organize their coupons.

Dr. Glockenspiel is a civil engineer with a husband and three loving children and yes, she is very happy.


MLK Day 2018

January 15, 2018

Here is your guide to Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Forestville for 2018.

WEATHER:

MLK Day tailgaters better bundle up because temperatures will be in the low 20s under mostly cloudy skies. Winds from the northeast at 9mph are not expected to impact kickoff.

SCOUTING REPORT:

Entering the 32nd consecutive MLK Day as a federal holiday, the country needs some inspiration following another week of ignorant comments by Trump about immigrants, and the unmistakable sound of silence about those comments from the Republican Party and his supporters.

A nation more divided and more polarized since Trump took the Oath of Office, makes today a must-win scenario even though we are only a year into his presidency.

Clearly Trump is in the hot seat so expect him to make obligatory comments today about Mr. King, and the continued cause. However, scouts worn, Trump’s remarks will not be believable due to his blatant disregard for nonwhites, and anyone that is not him.

INJURIES:

Forestville reports the following injures:

Questionable:

Bobby Darwin – Hamstring
Louisa Delgado – Arm
Dick Drago – Elbow
Courtney Flowers – Ankle
Jennifer Jeffries – Knee
Saul Lowenstein – Illness

Drago and Darwin will not start today, but are expected to play. They have been listed as “Out” since New Year’s observations so this is an upgrade.

Doubtful:

Bob Bailey – Shoulder

FESTIVITIES:

Today’s Opening Ceremonies are sponsored by: Hoover Vacuums, Vacuums that Really Suck.

Today’s Closing Ceremonies are Sponsored by:
Ode de Smoke Cologne, Small Like a Cigarette Without Having to Smoke.

MLK QUOTE YOU MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD

“So we have been repeatedly faced with the cruel irony of watching Negro and white boys on TV screens as they kill and die together for a nation that has been unable to seat them together in the same schools.”
April 4, 1967

OTHER MLK QUOTE YOU MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD

“What time is it?”
October 10, 1962


Residents Looking Forward to Next Water Main Break

January 14, 2018

A recent rash of water main breaks in Bristol and Forestville disrupted traffic, and resulted in a school closing.

Melody Meadows, a single mom of two young girls, recently moved to the area near Pine Lake and has become accustomed to the news about broken water pipes during her abbreviated time as a resident, “There were six or seven water main breaks in rapid succession, so the kids and I thought they were just part of everyday life in Bristol. We are a little disappointed that there hasn’t been one in a few weeks though,” she observed.

Yorick Besch believes the presence of water officials in his neighborhood is reassuring because it is a crime deterrent. “It was frustrating not having access to water, but at least no one was trying to rob the local convenience store because the Bristol Water Department was here repairing the break,” he said.

Water officials say extremely cold weather is the likely culprit for the broken pipes and the discolored water too.

The broken pipes created a great deal of news for the Mum City so the Chamber of Commerce is urging the municipality to provide tours of the water main breaks in the spring. “Due to the news generated they should be marketed as significant cultural exhibits. Tourists enjoy unique attractions and a bus tour of these places would be great for the community, ” the chamber said in a statement.