Parts of Forestville Without Power

October 30, 2017

Some Forestville-area homes and businesses are without power today due to a powerful east coast storm that brought wind and plenty of rain.

The power outage is caused by strong damaging winds. Local amateur meteorologist Dirk Brentwood said the wind was much needed, “We have had a wind shortage the second half of this fiscal year. The wind in the third quarter alone was spotty at best so these damaging winds come at a good time.”

Luckily the Boardman offices have not lost power and nor do we antici # (_) = .-.- ——–


How Much Snow Today? No one Knows

March 10, 2017

A winter storm is expected for Forestville Friday during the morning commute and ending around 4PM.

Due to the snow grocery stores, gas stations, churches and area brothels were crowded Thursday night in anticipation of the storm.

WFSB Channel 3 predicted Forestville could receive as much as 4 inches. NBC 30 said “maybe” three inches.

Meanwhile News Channel 8 claimed the Ville might be buried with two inches perchance. And the National Weather Service predicted there could be as much as an inch. However, AccuWeather said conceivably there could be no accumulation of snow in Forestville.

Regardless of the differing opinions, a parking ban was issued beginning Friday at midnight and will remain in effect until further notice.

With the “storm” bearing down on Southern New England, Forestville residents were reminded by government officials of the following:

• In the event of an emergency the number for 911 is 911
• Stop, look and listen before you cross the street
• Stay alert, stand firm, show courage and be strong
• If you see something say something
• Liberté, égalité, fraternité!
• There is no abbreviation for the word pop

The Forestville Fire Department could not be reached for comment.

Forestville Braces for Moderate Day of Weather

February 21, 2017


A cloudy day will slam Forestville all day Wednesday, according to the National Weather Service.

Forecasters are calling for temperatures in the 50s with a slight chance of a rain shower. The National Weather Service is predicting as much as an eighth of an inch of precipitation is possible. Winds will be light and variable.

Motorists are reminded, if you must travel, keep an extra flashlight, food, and water in your vehicle in case of an emergency.

The flight-tracking site FlightAware has not listed any cancellations of flights out of Bradley International Airport yet. However, the airport urged travelers to check with their carriers about their flight status.

The DOT is encouraging travelers to make informed decisions before hitting the roads.

Residents flocked to grocery stores Tuesday night in anticipation of the sun being obscured by clouds to stock up on bread, milk and related items.

Public Works Employees Receive Hero’s Welcome Following Nor’easter

January 25, 2017



Public Works drivers arrived at the city’s garages Tuesday afternoon to cheers of crowds following their heroic cleanup of Tuesday’s Nor’easter. Battling howling winds, rain and sleet, the plucky workers cleared roads and parking lots in Bristol and Forestville. “Everyone says its good we got snow and rain but I think it’s good we got the wind,” observed Barley Owens, a Public Works employee.

Their performance had captivated taxpayers as roads were quickly cleared between mandated coffee breaks. Dignitaries including city council members and celebrities from Bristol Talks greeted the men as they returned from an exhausting couple hours of plowing and salting.

“It was touch and go for a while,” admitted Jellybean, a popular snowplow driver. “But once I finished taking a nap in the cab and put the truck in gear, the weather was no match for me.”

The returning workers were further cheered as they drove down puddle-filled North Main Street splashing excited crowds gathered on the sidewalk. The cold and now wet residents waved and sought selfies with the brave drivers. The drivers were also met with ticker-tape, which they had to clean up later, scoring them much-appreciated overtime pay.

Said one rambling onlooker, “Times like these you really understand it’s the Public Works department that keeps us from turning into another Syria or Afghanistan.”

Jellybean smiled as he posed by his truck. “It’s our job. As our motto says, ‘Neither snow nor sleet nor heat nor gloom of night stays us drivers from the eventual completion of our appointed plowing.’ Well, heat does; there’s nothing to plow then. Actually, if there is no snow or sleet, we also get stayed. We really don’t do much most of the time. Fortunately, the break room has satellite and a vending machine filled with Little Debbies.”

Light Rain Paralyzes Forestville Wednesday

January 19, 2017
A map

A map

The National Weather Service in Taunton issued a light rain watch for all of Forestville Wednesday.

According to NMS there would be periods of very light precipitation, “A light sprinkling of rain will pass through Forestville Wednesday afternoon and overnight,” the alert said. “Residents should prepare in accordance to the conditions.”

The warning instructed residents that there was a high risk for an extended period of light rain or mist across the village, especially in the higher terrains. The alert was also issued for Plainville and parts of Southington too.

Due to the light rain, drivers were forced to use the intermittent setting on their windshield wipers more than usual, which according to law enforcement officials, “Caused a great deal of frustration.”

Forestville officials provided areas for people seeking shelter from the light rain so they would not get wet or damp.

The rain was so light at times that the National Weather Service will visit Forestville today to confirm there was precipitation.

Officials said Forestville residents could expect more weather for the remainder of the week.

Forestville Residents Protest Sweltering Heat

July 26, 2016


Forestville residents took to the streets of the village Monday demanding an end to the current heat wave, which has seen temperatures in the 90s for five days.

Demonstrators, starting at Todd Street, marched to City Hall chanting, singing and banging drums while denouncing all things hot.

Debbie Wynot was among the horde demanding City Hall do something about ending the heat wave. “Our leaders said during the election they would protect us. What are they waiting for winter?” Ms. Wynot asked.

The protesters held up anti heat signs and gave speeches on the steps of City Hall about the perils of sweltering heat. Chants of “Hey Hey, Ho Ho this heat wave has got to go,” could be heard in Rockwell Park.

The crowd was so raucous that an image of the Heat Index was burned in effigy.

Officials say they have no plan in place to quell the punishing heat and instead will let nature take its course, much to the disappointment of the protestors.

The National Weather Service said they expect the summer to remain a mixture of warm and hot.


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Climate Expert: Rainbows Are Killing The Planet

April 28, 2016
Killing the planet?

Killing the planet?

While some weather watchers fret about a manmade global warming apocalypse, one Connecticut scientist in Central Connecticut State University’s Department of Weather, Dr. Sheila Clebourne eyes a different threat. The climate change specialist is alarmed by an increase in man-caused rainbows.

“Rainbows are a trick of light caused by water vapor. When people sneeze, they emit water vapor. With more people sneezing due to higher pollen counts, we get rainbows of epidemic proportions,” she said in a recent lecture to her children.

But are more rainbows dangerous?

Dr. Clebourne suspects so. A recent article in the Greenpeace lifestyle magazine, “Stone Age Living”, points to research that high levels of rainbow activity causes disorientation in birds, making them fly into trees, parked cars and minor celebrities like Fabio. The condition known as TMR or “Too Many Rainbows” syndrome also causes unreasonable euphoria in humans.

Stone Age Mag 05

“I feel happy when I see a rainbow,” one Forestville resident said. “I don’t know why. It’s very upsetting.”

Greenland researcher and taxi driver Cornelius Dabney reports ice core analysis shows the Earth is suffering from the worst pollen levels since the Mesozoic era, when TMR caused ancient relatives of birds, the dinosaurs to continually run into each other and become extinct.

“The cause of this spike in sneezing is allergies from manmade gardening. Community gardens and landscaping are the worst pollen spewers,” Dr. Clebourne notes.

To prevent a massive die-off of birds, she urges cities to adopt no-gardening ordinances, starting with Forestville. As well, she supports fining people based on their pollen footprint. “Think of pollen like secondhand smoke — It’s that bad,” she said. “Unless it’s marijuana smoke. I like that.”

The current occupant of Forestville’s mayor’s office could not be reached for a witty comment.