Extra Marital Affair Celebrates Fifth Anniversary!

December 23, 2015
Location of Dalliances

Location of Dalliances

Barbara Deavers, wife of Forestville industrialist John Deavers, began an extramarital affair with Zack Flanders five years ago this month following a company Christmas party.

To satisfy their physical urges their rendezvous were initially in the back parking lot located well behind Nuchie’s, but then progressed to the Plymouth Motor Lodge as the hook ups became less pedestrian and more entangled acts of carnal bacchanal.

Today their trysts are limited to the Deavers’ home whenever Barbara’s husband John is away on business.

The anniversary was not acknowledged with the exchanging of gifts, copulation or salty text messages because John Deavers just returned from a business trip abroad.

Friends and associates believe physical relations will resume between Mrs. Deavers and Zack Flanders when Mr. Deavers leaves for Germany next month.

This is Barbara’s first affair while Zack’s had numerous dalliances with married women in the area.



No Fights During Black Friday – Residents Disappointed

November 28, 2015

Black Friday 05

This morning Forestville retailers reported that no brawls, melees or fracases occurred during Black Friday shopping, much to the disappointment of local residents. “I so wanted an all-out brawl; a real barn burner you know,” said Dewey Jasper. “I look forward to fights between bargain hunters. It’s part of Christmas.”

Zack Flanders was disappointed too. “What is wrong with people? Don’t they know fights are expected? Where was the hair pulling, the kicking with the yelling and the screaming?”

According to Mr. Flanders people need unruly Black Friday shoppers descending into violence, “People want the violence. They need the violence they crave the violence. I guess in some way it’s a gift. When Christmas shoppers don’t fight it is selfish because the fighting makes us feel better about ourselves, and that in and of itself is the spirit of Christmas,” he observed.


black friday 02

Deavers’ 4th of July Celebration in Forestville

July 4, 2011

Deavers' 4th of July

Saturday was John and Barbara (Babs) Deavers annual 4th of July party.  The party had the usual assortment of cocktails, scrumptious hors d’oeuvres and an actual dinner menu! However, the highlight of the evening was not the food, or the Forestville Orchestra playing various patriotic songs, or the fashion show for charity or even the inspiring fireworks display, it was, by far, Barbara Deavers.  With her shoulder length hair and summer tan showing off her shapely leg, Babs was easily all the rage.

Moving quickly through Forestville’s various social classes that were in attendance, I sensed everyone had a spectacular time.  Those lucky enough to be there included Larson Canover, Maria Malvado, Solomon Weeks, Mitchell Luby, Dan Blazjowski, Rene Dubois, Zack Flanders, Trever Canby, Clovis and Kletis Denim, Virgilio Gonzales, Harley Pritchert, Mike Hill and Beth Hill, Ted and Nancy Tanner, Cookie Genison, Rob Halford, Betty Boukus, Howard and Phoebe Faris, Joe Kapperstein, Silas Minutia, Norbert Pendleton and Toby Jacks.


Deavers Halloween Party

November 4, 2010

There is a great divide socially and economically when it comes to living in Forestville, you either live north of the railroad tracks or south of the railroad tracks, there is no in between.  However, when it comes to a party at the home of John and Barbara Deavers, Forestville’s most opulent couple, it does not matter where you reside in the village because for that brief moment we are all one.

It seemed as though all of Forestville attended the Deavers annual Halloween Party at their palatial estate last Saturday night.  The guest list included Audra and Solomon Weeks, Cookie Gension, Juan Gutierrez, Kletis Denim, Mitchell Luby and a date, Hank Lee Bowers and his wife Lisa, Mike Hill, Al Tunis, Bob Kneeper, Mr. and Mrs. Youch, Joe Kapperstein, Dewey Jasper, Norbert Pendleton, Zack Flanders, party crashers Maria Malvado and Silas Minutia, Larson Canover, Heather Ross and her husband Rick and countless others.

Unfortunately John Deavers was not in attendance because he was away on business, and what a shame because he missed another fantastic party thrown by his wife.  Their home was decorated in Halloween garb and the band hired for the night played a steady soundtrack of rock-n-roll hits from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

The best costume prize, which is very popular and brings out the best in Forestville’s residents creativity, went to garage mechanic Hank Lee Bowers.  Mr. Bowers attended the party dressed as a breathalyzer.

At the end of the evening Mrs. Deavers assured me their annual Christmas Party will go on without Mr. Deavers as he will be away.  She will conduct their carol sing through the streets of Forestville…north and south of the railroad tracks.

Loverboy to ruin New Year’s celebration

December 18, 2008

Around the Village Today – New Year’s Party Update



Canadian rock group Loverboy scheduled to ruin New Year's

Canadian rock group Loverboy scheduled to ruin New Year's

Barbara Deavers asked me to bring music to her “Auld Lang Syne” celebration.  She specifically requested 80s music from artists such as Journey, Bryan Adams and Loverboy.  Loverboy?  I don’t own any Loverboy music so I had to download it and now I have to live with that shame.  Thanks to her, the permanent search record on my computer now includes the word “Loverboy.”  I hope a monkey pees in her drink on New Year’s.



In a related matter, Zack Flanders is back in town.  Will he be at the party? I don’t know but from what I remember he is a Loverboy fan.