James Comey Testifies Before Senate; Park Rangers Report Black Bears Unconcerned

June 9, 2017

James Comey

Yesterday, the Senate Intelligence Committee took testimony from ex-FBI director James Comey about what his conversations with the president were and why he is so ridiculously tall.

Key takeaways from Comey hearing:

— Comey testifies that Trump did not obstruct justice. He also does not know why he is so tall.

— Stripes and crazy-looking patterns are still in for men’s ties this summer.

— Senator Mark Warner (D) pressed the former FBI head whether Trump obstructed his dessert order. “Did Trump demand you have one or two scoops of ice cream? Did Trump mention the word, ‘banana?’ Did he say he had to go to the rest room at any point during your conversation?” Comey declined to answer, suggesting Putin had gotten to Comey as well.

— Comey reiterated that Trump makes him uncomfortable. As does spiders, clowns and reruns of Happy Days. He then asked senators to remove their socks as that made him queasy too.

— Boardman polled a focus group of three people with ADD for their opinion on the hearing. In the survey, 1 or 1 out of 3 admitted he was playing Clash of Clans on his iPhone during the hearing, 1 said she has a dog named Mittens, and 1 ran in circles around the room while trying to fly.