VA Health Care Upgraded To Stable Condition

August 9, 2017

Secretary of Veterans Affairs David Shulkin has moved to make good on President Trump’s promises to overhaul the VA. Thanks to executive directives and a new reform law, Shulkin was able to fire 500 employees from the VA over malfeasance and criminal convictions. As punishment, most will receive health care from the VA.

The worst offenders will get health benefits from the Veterans Administration Veterans Administration. Said one fired Veterans Administration veteran, “I hear it is run worse than how we ran the VA.” He refers to the head of the VAVA, Connor O’Shaughnessy, a leprechaun who legend says hides health care services in a pot at the end of the rainbow.

Other reforms are being introduced at a feverish pace. One allows military to see the doctor of their choice. This option has led many people on Obamacare to enlist in the military.

Shulkin also made telemedicine part of the VA using the system “TeleHealth.” It allows patients to see teledoctors, get telediagnoses, see telespecialists and watch television with telestars.

Other improvements include vets getting wait times for appointments on their phones as well as Army-Navy game updates. A new app will send text alerts to hospitalized VA patients when the jello cart is coming down the hall. It also allows doctors to send “Get Well” e-cards to patients while on vacation and emojis to describe patient conditions.

“OMG, I’m afraid your body is all 🙄 in response to the antibiotics,” sent one doctor.

While Shulkin’s improvements will greatly help veterans, the New York Times is concerned it is just a distraction from the Russia investigation. Attempts to reach the Times for comment were met with demands we pay for a subscription.