Deviated Septum Museum

May 29, 2016


The Deviated Septum Museum, located in the industrial section of Forestville, is the only museum in the United States dedicated to deviated septum’s.

The museum was founded in 1942 by members of Forestville’s high society and features two floors of exhibits, artifacts, photographs, film and oral histories

A deviated septum is a disorder of the nose involving a displacement of the nasal cavity. Researchers estimate that 80% of people, most unbeknownst to themselves, have a nasal issue.

This month the museum showcases deviated septums from the Classical antiquity period with literary stories, paintings and cave drawings. The exhibition delves into other nasal issues such as nosebleeds, snoring and postnasal drip during the 7th century BC from the Assyrian Empire.

Admission is free but it costs $12.50 for adults to leave the museum and $10.50 for children to leave.

Do-Over Anyone?

May 28, 2016

Do over

Alex Chipley is not happy with our city government since the election in November. So, he recently contacted the Connecticut Secretary of State and asked for a do-over of the November elections. Chipley said he is suffering from buyer’s remorse, “I was promised one thing and got another.”

Mr. Chipley, a lifelong Forestville resident and a Walter J. Murphy Bristol Republican, wants to take back his vote. “Between the Ambush, Robert’s Rule of Order, FOI requests, grandstanding and name-calling, what do we have to show for it? A quibbling city council and a one lane Boulevard that’s still two lanes.”

Erskine Dozier, who moved to Forestville from Plainville during the administration of Frank Longo, and is now considering moving back, echoed Chipley’s thoughts and mused, “Where is the collaboration? Where are the statesmen? I am not looking for Churchill or Cicero but we could use a Mayor Dutton right now.”

Cicero 01

The Office of the Secretary of the State, while empathetic with Chipley and Dozier, said there is no provision or mechanism for a do-over, redo or to change a vote once it has been cast for that matter.

Chipley said he is resigned to our collective fate but reflected, “Maybe we are getting the leadership we deserve because it appears to me we elected someone and we should have elected someone else. This is our collective penance.”

Forestville Author Writes Book About Writer’s Block

May 27, 2016

Writers Block 01

A newly published book written by local author and Forestville resident Brooks Calbert chronicles his recent experience with writer’s block.

The aptly titled Writer’s Block is a 312 page book does not have a bibliography, nor is it annotated or illustrated. Additionally, there are no chapters, no sentences and no words. “It is an accurate account of my bout with writer’s block last year,” Mr. Calbert said.

Writer’s block is a condition where the writer loses inspiration and the ability to write or create. There are many causes which the author chose not to address.

Currently there are no plans for a sequel. “It was really challenging coming up with this book. I certainly hope I don’t have to go through this process again,” Mr. Calbert offered.

The book is on sale wherever books are sold and retails for $29.95.

This is Mr. Calbert’s first published work.

Hijinks at Paulie the Paperclip Campaign Endorsement Event

May 26, 2016

paulie ticket

Paulie the Paperclip, seeking to be the first paperclip ever elected to the Connecticut state legislature, appeared before the International Brotherhood of Office Products (IBOP) Monday night seeking their support.

The president of the IBOP delivered a rousing tribute about what a difference Paulie has made in bringing papers of all different colors and pound weight together. At that, members of the Forestville Industrial Singers (FIS), who were in attendance and Paulie supporters, stood en masse and sang a pitch perfect and beautiful rendition of “Tomorrow Belongs to Me” from “Cabaret” in the key of B to show their support.

Later they triumphantly passed the tiny two inch wire paperclip around like he was the Stanley Cup.

FIS performed abridged versions of some popular standards and contemporary works then fielded requests from the stunned audience.

Following the speech and the tunes, the still open jawed audience adjourned to Sporty’s Cafe and reviewed the performance over a pint.

The first reviews to come in were negative as expected.

“I found the choreography trite and the costumes passé.”
Liz Smith, NY Post

“A dreadful, lifeless, yawn fest. The best I can say is pass the Sominex.”
Rex Reed, The New York Observer

“No one was arrested so it is not worth our time to offer a review.”
The Bristol Press

Theatre critics, especially New York theatre critics, can be harsh but not all the reviews were bad, however.

“The rendition of Tomorrow Belongs to Me was terrific fun.”
The Bristol Observer

“I felt like I was at a feel-good musical. Is there a matinee?”
David Manning, Ridgefield Press

“The most fun I have had at an office products event ever!”
Unidentified Man

The tough little paperclip realizes he has a hard battle ahead with no support from the establishment so he was unfazed by the reviews, and plans to do more street performance art while campaigning around Forestville. “I will mime my speech to the Chamber of Commerce and unveil my economic plan with balloon twisting at the People’s Socialist Party Convention later this summer.”

Paulie the Paperclip will mime his next speech

Paulie the Paperclip will mime his next speech

Local Wackos Disappointed with City Hall

May 24, 2016

Wacko 01

It is impossible to please everyone. Case in point.

Sunday, a motley group of people assembled to voice their disillusionment with the mayor and the city council in front of the library, which they thought was City Hall.

“The mayor and the city councilors have disappointed me. I thought for sure with them in charge, we’d all be traveling around in flying cars by now,” grumbled the needy millennial in the group.

“My psychic said that if they were elected, I’d be pregnant,” said one woman who also gave this reporter her phone number for a good time. “But that hasn’t happened. I’m not happy with their performance so far.”

A third member of the group was more pointed. “They promised we’d get drastic tax hikes and open season on bald eagles.” When reminded no one ever promised that, he continued, “then what the hell am I doing out here?”

Hide and Seek Championships Coming to Forestville

May 23, 2016

2016 Hide & Seek 02

The 2016 Hide and Seek New England Regionals will be held in Forestville the first weekend in August, according to tournament organizers.

“Due to the vast amount of empty buildings Forestville is perfect,” boasted tournament director Archibald Lafferty. “The number of businesses leaving Connecticut has given rise to numerous empty buildings to hide in, making the state the obvious choice for the championships,” he added.

Hide and seek is a children’s game where players close their eyes and count to a specific number while the other players hide. The last person to be found by the seeker is the winner.

Last year’s winner at nationals was Johnny Piazza, whom no one could find. Unfortunately he has yet to receive the award since his whereabouts are still unknown.

The Forestville Tourism Association said players of all ages from the six New England states will stay in Forestville, giving a jolt to local restaurants, lodging and transportation during the three day event.

The underground economy expects an increase in business as well, “In addition to the state sales taxes, local governments, legitimate businesses and those of us hiding in the shadows can expect with labor, income and consumption, overall growth of two to five percent for the month approximately,” said Tanya from Downtown, a known women of ill repute.

Players to Watch:

Belinda Bocori: Extraordinary hiding skills, stealth like footwork and surprising counting abilities, Bocori easily toppled her opponents in Rhode Island to qualify.

Enzo Hernandez: Blessed with natural athleticism, he is able to quickly hide and just as quickly seek too. With a mind for the game, Enzo burst on to the scene during his performance at the Kick the Can Championships last year.

Cheryl Watson: With her constant glaring, taunting and utterance of profanities aimed at opponents, judges and spectators alike, the brash Ms. Watson uses anger to her advantage to destroy opponents.

Renaissance Downtowns to Develop the Face on Mars

May 22, 2016

Face on mars 04 arrows

NASA is making plans to colonize Mars and according to sources familiar with the project Renaissance Downtowns LLC, a Long Island based developer, will be the contractor to develop a portion of the planet. Yup, that Renaissance Downtowns LLC.

Mars with its rocky surface, canyons, volcanoes and red dust covering the terrain, has sat desolate for 4.5 billion years. Critics say now that Renaissance is involved it will remain desolate for another 4.5 billion years.

They are to build the property near the “Face on Mars” with parking garages, pop-up piazzas, cafes, a Performing Arts Center and retail. Lots of retail. “It will be Mars very own version of Blue Back Square,” said a source familiar with the plans.

A major stumbling block however, is the enormous initial investment required to establish the colony and terraform the planet. Renaissance wants a public/private partnership of financing options for Phase I because it proved to be so successful while they were in Bristol.

“Currently it’s all about getting money and then permits, and then food and water and hydrogen and methane, and power and another industrial revolution,” said Bill Doug spokesperson for the project.

He expects Phase 1 construction to begin in 100 years with the development of Downtown Disney or whatever it will be called then.


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