February in the Books

March 1, 2015
A November Time Watcher in Forestville (file photo)

A November Time Watcher in Forestville
(file photo)

Saturday February 28, 2015, arrived on time yesterday in Forestville when the clock struck midnight at midnight, according to the American Clock & Watch Museum located in Bristol (the mothership of Forestville).

But as of this morning, horologists have now declared Saturday officially over and part of the past. All events pertaining to the 28th of February are committed to the collective memory and government documents shipped to the National Archives for preservation and study.

In a related story, March 2015 arrived today on schedule and with no fan fair. Time watchers waited their entire lives for February 2015 and now sadly it will always exist in its current capacity.

In other news…

Wind or A Breeze

February 27, 2015


A slight breeze moved quickly through Forestville early today. Radar tracked the breeze just before sunrise and again prior to lunch. No trees were bent and no one was hurt during the meteorol event.

The National Weather Service is still examining the data and they are not prepared to classify the breeze as wind.

Forestville resident has the flu

February 14, 2015


A Forestville resident who wishes to remain anonymous has the flu. His body temperature, symptoms and prognosis are unknown.

Mitchell Luby contributed to this story.

Local Man’s Dictionary Stolen

January 31, 2015
Dictionary Stolen

Dictionary Stolen

Three masked women forced themselves into the home of Forestville resident Kenneth Snipps and stole his dictionary earlier this week, according to authorities.

Around 10:15 a.m. Wednesday, the trio entered his home wearing cute matching ski masks, leather gloves and London Fog pea coats, with removable scarfs while Mr. Snipps was watching Doctor Who.

Police say one of the perpetrators held Snipps at bay, while the others rummaged through his library and removed the book.

The women escaped in a Cashmere colored Dodge Grand Caravan, and were last seen crossing the bridge near Nuchie’s southbound to Southington and giggling.

Mr. Snipps was not injured but wants his dictionary returned. Reportedly it was signed by the author and all the verbs were highlighted with a yellow marker.

Anyone with information is asked to contact the Forestville Citizens Police at Ext. 28.

The Feral Cat Address

January 19, 2015
A cat.

A cat.

Mayor Ken Cockayne has come under fire from animal rights activists and citizens around the world for a feral cat problem gripping Bristol and the village of Forestville. The city is accused of murdering stray cats near a shopping plaza on Farmington Avenue. The mayor and the Housing Authority charged with remedying the problem deny the allegations. “This is not Dachau,” said a Housing Authority employee.

According to a member of Mayor Cockayne’s staff the mayor plans to give a speech about the matter. “This speech is to be Gettysburg, Checkers, Day of Infamy, Military Industrial Complex, American University, and I Did Not Have Sex With That Woman Speeches all rolled into one,” according to the source.

A draft of the speech is below.

“Seven days and one minute ago, a date which will live in infamy, a new problem, conceived in lies and misunderstandings was brought forth to my desk by way of memo.

We are engaged in a great feline war testing whether this city’s animal control system so conceived and so dedicated can long end this struggle. We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes.

For in the final analysis, our most basic common link with these cats is that we all inhabit this small city. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s futures. And we are all mortal.

Therefore, I have a dream that these cats shall not vanish in vain – that this city, under God, shall have a new birth – and that the feral cats from the streets – of the streets and by the streets shall not perish from the earth.”

Forestville Fourth Graders Announce Baseball Card Trade

January 17, 2015


Billy and Owen 4th graders at Greene Hills School traded baseball cards during lunch Thursday.

The terms of the deal were not disclosed but sources say the boys swapped a total of seventeen cards including a card to be named later.

The negotiations were tense and there was name calling on both sides, but the deal was finalized when Billy included his father’s 1970 Nolan Ryan card. “Dad doesn’t know yet,” said a sheepish Billy.


Forestville Group Opens a Time Capsule After Seven Days

January 10, 2015
Peck Park

Peck Park

A time capsule, placed in the ground one week ago by the community group Friends of Forestville and scheduled to be opened in the year 2035, was opened Tuesday after being buried for just seven days. According to one of its members Toby Jacks, “We just couldn’t wait any longer the anticipation was killing us.”

The time capsule included photos, a bus schedule, coins and other items pertaining to Forestville and the year 2015. The capsule was buried in the area near Peck Park and according to Toby the group plans to bury it again in the same location sometime next week.


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.